So for some reason I have been doing a lot of... soul searching I guess you would call it. And I'm starting to realize things about myself. I've started to realize things about my life that I want to change, and things about my life that I want to keep the same. It is really interesting for me because I have come to a crossroads in a lot of areas in my life. One of them is my religious views.

     I have been offered with the spot operator position for the production of Menopause the Musical in Upland. I'm not sure if I'm going to take it or not. I need to look at the contract and all that deal. I think it would be cool because that would be a steady income for me, which is something that I really need right now. The only downfall that I have found so far in the situation is the drive. I mean shit, I would be driving like 4 hours a day just to go to work, and back. I'm not fully sure how far away it is though. but I will think about it some more, well I'm off to bed.

alright so I have pretty much faced the facts that this is just a spot for me to vent and not worry about anyone reading it. and that's alright by me, it gives me a chance to say whatever I want. So for starters. I'm feeling really shitty right now. I don't know why, maybe it is because of all the bullshit that is going on in my life right now. but I can't think of anything that is bad enough to warrent this type of feeling. I don't know why I'm feeling like this, but I don't want to be at home, and I don't want to be out, I don't want to sleep but I don't want to stay awake. I want to go and have a drink with friends, but I don't want to drink like this. I don't know why I'm feeling like this, I just want to have a good time but I don't know who to call or what to do. all I know is I feel like shit and I don't want too. well have a good night I think I'll sit in bed for a while.